


Words

by orphan_account



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied Sexual Content, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:39:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You're captured, Cassian saves you, and you're strong.





	1. Faith

It had been years since you were lost on the small Empire conquered planet, not left to die, but left all the same. It unsettled you, how easily you fell into the routine, aided by the lash of an electric hot whip and cutting metal chains.  
You remembered running through a forest, thick with smog and trees, you remembered being caught.  
You remembered the first time someone used you.  
You remembered Cassian Andor telling you to be _careful_. Of course you were only stupid, letting yourself be caught by the slave traders.  
You weren't sure where you were, they took you off world, they took you far enough away that they still hadn't found you yet - rotting during the days in a cell, only to be used as entertainment during the nights. They'd beat you, make you fight or fuck other slaves. You always won the fights, making you popular among the betting crowd. You forced yourself to breathe afterwords, tried to forget the crack of someone else's skull, telling yourself that it's them or you. They'd kill you if they could, and you can't blame them. It's you or them in those pits, damp stone walls and unnaturally red dirt.  
It was all you could do to lie awake in your cell, try not to cry, and keep the faith. 

Cassian Andor, to his credit, never stopped looking. He stopped counting the days, the number too big for him to be able to look at any more, but he _never_ stopped looking. He kept looking for any sign of you, anywhere in the universe, he just _kept looking_ , because he knew you would do the same for him.  
He's only accompanied by the white-grey walls of his room. After the third or fourth time he snapped at K2, the droid learned to help him in other ways. Percentages and statistics didn't seem to help, and in most situations, K2 wouldn't care, but as much as he was loathe to admit it, K2 cared about you too. 

It was, in fact, K2 who put the pieces together. There was this slave, on a planet known for it's slave trade, and apparently she had never lost a fight. The first few times he came across transmissions like this across the hundreds of feeds of data that flowed through him, he barely noticed. The seventh time he saw it, this time with a nickname for you, one that made him think for just a fleeting moment of the tattoo on your back, (he'd seen it when you were changing on a mission one day, the only reason he even told Cassian was to make him jealous), the obvious truth snapped into place. 

You were used the sound of gunfire in the cantina, but when it didn't stop- no deep threats from any of the men hired to guard the place, no hearty laughter, you threw the slave girl you were meant to be fighting to the ground, covering your body with hers as blaster shots began to fly around the room, some finding their way to the ground near you. You were hit only once, having had seen a shot moving towards the terrified and so obviously pregnant young girl in front of you. You had thrown your self in front of the shot, letting it sink into your arm. You grimaced at the pain, letting your head drop down onto your forearm. 

Cassian Andor shot first. He killed a man with a sack of gold coins in his hands. When he looked down into the pit afterwards, only a glance, _and he didn't see you, neither of those slaves looked like you_ , and he feared the worst. When the fighting was over, he climbed into the pit, tapping the figure who was hunched over the other, a young slave girl, protectively, and when you turned your head to look at him, you felt hot hot tears fall past your eyes for the first time in years. 

As soon as he saw your face, emaciated but _strong, and you_ , he lost himself. He scooped you up, awkwardly hugging you, breathing in your scent, past the dirt, the blood, the beer, and you still smelled like you.  
"I never stopped looking," he whispered, clinging to you like a child who had lost a favored toy, "I never lost faith."


	2. Recovery

The ship ride home had you flinching every time someone moved too fast. It killed Cassian to see you like this. It killed him to see you so broken. Before you would talk, you hated the silence, but now when you spoke it was so quiet. You weren't unconfident, how could you be after taking so many lives, after doing what you had done, but you spoke as if you thought you were talking to people who didn't respect you instead of a whole ship of people who loved you so much they didn't stop looking for you. It broke their hearts, every one of them, but Cassian could barely look at you. 

The first thing they did was put you in a bacta tank. It gave you time for introspection, you supposed, gave you time to acclimate. The liquid was a pleasantly warm temperature, and you felt yourself drifting off into a peaceful sleep for the first time in five years. 

When you woke up you were lying on a table. When you looked down at your hands, expecting to see the dirty red of clay and blood, you were surprised to see clean hands. The dirt wedged years deep under your nails was gone. The branded serial number you were given, that had infected and scabbed over by the fourth person you had killed fighting in the pit, was gone. Like it had never happened, like it had been a dream. The fourth thing that you noticed was Cassian Andor. He was sitting on a chair next to your table, and he was holding your hand. You sat up, powering through the wave of nausea that washed over you, and leaned closer to him. How many times had you dreamed about him since you were taken?   
You took your free hand and touched his face lightly, before pressing down just slightly harder to make _sure_ he was there. His eyes fluttered awake at the pressure, and you made eye contact with him, holding it even as his eyes grew watery.   
"I…", you tried to say, your voice hoarse. You cleared your throat and started again.   
"I never, ever, gave up on you, Cassian." You said, and tests were falling freely from his eyes. He reached a hand up to your face slowly, and you forced yourself not to flinch, telling yourself over and over that this is _Cassian_ , he would never hurt you, and you let him kiss you, once, gently. That was all either of you needed, all you could take right now.   
Recovery was slow. Too many nights woke you up screaming over and over that you were _sorry_ , and Cassian was with you through it all. He held you, told you it was ok when you woke up with your elbow pressed to his throat, he made sure you took your meds, and he kissed you gently. When you told him your fears, that some day he would realize what a terrible person you were, he would counter it with all of the reasons he fell in love with you, to soothe your anxious heart, and over time, over years of progress, you built yourself back up, Cassian helping to lay every brick, sow every seed, until you could call yourself human again. The faces of the slaves you had helped set free, at least those who chose to stay with the rebellion, they helped you too. The slave girl who you had saved that last day had a son. The resistance helped take care of them and after a few weeks she made a habit to come to you as often as she could to thank you. It helped, and you still cry when she does.  
She sat you down one night, baby suckling at her breast, and she took your hand.   
"I was so scared that night. I was so scared, I had heard them talking about you. I'd seen you fight, and I was so, so scared," she said, and tears we're already leaking from your eyes, apologies slipping off of your tongue, but she just shushed you, and continued.  
"I had only been there a few weeks. When I heard gunfire…" she trailed off, eyes heavy with memory, "I thought you would kill me while I was distracted. But you saved me." She said, and you shook your head.  
"I would have killed you, if they hadn't come. You don't understand-" you tried to say, but she shushed you once more.   
"I know. And I forgive you. I forgave you the moment I stepped in that pit and realized that it was you or me." You were fine crying silently, eyes downcast, but when she shifted, and pressed a kiss to your forehead, you sobbed. You leaned forward into her shoulder, mindful of the child in her arms, and you sobbed.   
Cassian, watching from the door way, had seen you scream. He had seen you fight, had seen you cry gently, quietly. He had never seen anything quite like this.


	3. Strength

Cassian tells you all of the reasons why he loves you, why he fell in love with you, and it ranges a variety of reasons. You never feel like you deserve his attention, but you've started to forgive yourself for taking it. He never likes leaving you alone for long, and you appreciate his company. You appreciate K2, as well, who sits with you in silence when everyone else is busy, occasionally making a sarcastic remark about people who pass, and it makes you feel normal. You don't think that K2 could feel pity, but you know he cares, and it makes you feel like how you did before it all happened and you appreciate that.   
You're cleared for active duty two years after you return to the base. It's a benchmark in your recovery.   
It's a simple reconnaissance mission, and you love every second of it. You're changed, you can't go through something like you did and not be, but you feel real again, and the responsibility of leading a mission, even if it's just to land on a planet and take a few samples, makes you feel energized.  
Your ship lands well, in a small sandy clearing. You send a few officers out before you on speeders to take soil samples around the planet. It's uninhabited, and small, the victim of volcanic activity decades ago. It takes a few hours to fly the ship around the planet at top speed, and the days are short. It takes you 72 hours to collect the data you need, plus an extra 5 for just relaxing, enjoying the feel of air on your face and dirt under your feet.  
You return to base in the middle of the sleeping cycle, with a slight tan and overwhelming energy, and the first thing you do is find Cassian. 

Your gait is hurried as you moved through the large rebel base, checking every room as you went. You pushed past the few officers you see with a friendly wave and an energetic smile and those who knew you before felt a blast of nostalgia. You peek into one of the break rooms, seeing several aliens and Cassian playing a card game at the table, and you call his name, wide smile on your face.   
He stands as soon as he sees you, dropping his cards and walking towards you swiftly. Before he can say anything you're kissing him, arms around his neck as his hands find their way to your waist, then your thighs, and he picks you up and brings you to his room. 

Cassian tells you every reason why he loves you, as often as he can, and they change, but he always falls back to one. One overwhelming reason why he loves you, why he fell in love with you, and that night, while you're lying in his bed, hand stroking his chest gently, he's whispering his sweet words to you.   
"Do you know why I love you?" He asks, and you nod, talking him that he tells you so often, and he tells you that that isn't an answer, so you laugh and say that no, you don't know. He runs a hand through your hair, and you make eye contact with him, smiling at him.   
"I love you because you're so, so strong. Even before what happened, you were so strong, and you survived for so long, and that's a kind of strength I have never seen in my entire life and every time I think about you, about how strong you are, I fall in love with you a little bit more."


End file.
